Tips for Life
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If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough anymore.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If you woke up breathing today, congratulations! You have another chance.
Be really good to your family and friends. You never knnow when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.